The Paradox of Surrender: Releasing the Power of Vices Through Acceptance
We all have vices—those habits, cravings, or patterns that sneak into our lives, offering short-lived comfort while subtly holding us captive. Whether it’s compulsively checking social media, indulging in unhealthy foods, overconsumption of alcohol, or an addiction to busyness, vices promise relief from discomfort but rarely deliver true peace. The more we fight to resist them, the more they seem to tighten their grip on our minds. What, then, is the path to freedom? Surprisingly, it is through surrender—through fully accepting the discomfort they bring and acknowledging their presence—that we can strip vices of their power.
It’s easy to think that willpower is the solution: the harder we try to avoid something, the better we’ll resist. But resistance often creates a paradox. By fixating on avoidance, we unintentionally amplify the importance of the vice. The craving, the discomfort, and the obsession grow stronger, pulling us back into the cycle we so desperately want to escape. The more you wrestle with a thought or craving, the more control it seems to have over you.
Surrender, on the other hand, does something remarkable. It doesn’t mean giving in to the vice itself. Instead, it means surrendering to the reality of its existence and to the feelings that accompany abstaining from it. True release comes when we stop avoiding discomfort and allow it to move through us.
The Nature of Discomfort: Why We Run
At the heart of every vice is discomfort—an uncomfortable emotion, an unmet need, or a restless desire. Vices are often symptoms of a deeper struggle: boredom, loneliness, fear, or unresolved pain. They act as bandages, covering up what’s bubbling beneath the surface. The moment we feel discomfort rising, we instinctively look for quick ways to escape. We eat when we’re anxious, scroll through social media when we’re bored, or chase adrenaline when we feel numb.
This avoidance is entirely human, but it traps us. Every time we turn to a vice for comfort, we reinforce the belief that discomfort is intolerable. The avoidance becomes a habit, and the habit becomes a cycle—one that feels impossible to break.
Here’s the truth: Discomfort won’t destroy you. It’s not a fire that will consume you. Rather, it’s a wave. If you let it pass, it loses its force.
Surrendering to Abstinence: Sitting With the Wave
The first step in releasing the power of a vice is abstinence—choosing to let it go. But abstinence is hard because it exposes the raw discomfort we’ve been avoiding. When you strip away the vice, the emotions you’ve buried will rise to the surface. Cravings will hit like storms. Impatience, agitation, sadness, or restlessness will come knocking.
This is the exact moment that surrender becomes critical.
Surrender means not fighting the feelings that abstinence stirs up. It means sitting in the discomfort, welcoming it, and accepting that it is part of the process. Instead of running or numbing yourself, you lean into the discomfort and allow it to simply be. You might say to yourself:
• “This craving is here, and that’s okay.”
• “This discomfort is uncomfortable, but I can sit with it.”
• “This feeling will pass. I don’t need to act on it.”
Surrender is the choice to stop treating discomfort like the enemy. When you allow yourself to fully feel what arises—without judgment or escape—you weaken the vice’s hold. You discover that the discomfort isn’t as intolerable as you feared.
You don’t have to like the feeling, but you do have to acknowledge it. By surrendering to it, you strip it of its ability to control you.
The Liberation on the Other Side
When you choose abstinence and surrender to the discomfort, something transformative happens: You reclaim your power.
Each moment you sit with discomfort instead of running from it, you prove to yourself that you are stronger than the craving. You show yourself that you don’t need the vice to survive, to be happy, or to feel whole. You learn to trust yourself again, and you build the resilience to face life’s challenges without leaning on false comforts.
The vice begins to lose its allure. What once felt irresistible becomes just another passing thought. The cravings may still arise, but they no longer feel urgent. You’ve seen through the illusion. You’ve felt the discomfort, surrendered to it, and emerged on the other side unharmed.
Freedom doesn’t come from fighting the vice; it comes from embracing the process of letting it go—pain and all.
Practical Steps to Surrender
Surrendering to the discomfort of abstinence isn’t easy, but it is possible with intention and patience. Here’s how to begin:
1. Acknowledge the vice’s role: Be honest about how the vice has served you. What discomfort has it helped you avoid? This awareness makes it easier to address the root cause.
2. Commit to abstinence: Decide, with intention, to remove the vice. Don’t treat this as a punishment—treat it as a step toward liberation.
3. Observe the discomfort: When cravings or emotions arise, pause. Notice them without judgment. Use grounding techniques like deep breathing, journaling, or mindfulness to sit with the feelings.
4. Remind yourself it will pass: Discomfort is temporary. Each wave of craving will rise and fall if you allow it. Trust that you can ride it out.
5. Replace with something meaningful: Once you surrender to the discomfort, you create space for growth. Fill that space with habits and practices that nourish you, like exercise, time in nature, or creative pursuits.
Conclusion: The Power of Release
To surrender to a vice is to meet it head-on—not by indulging it, but by accepting its presence and the discomfort that comes with abstaining. It’s in this surrender that true power lies. You stop running, stop resisting, and begin to reclaim control over your life.
The discomfort may be fierce, but so are you. Trust the process. Sit with the feelings. Let go of the need to escape. When you surrender, you release the vice’s hold over you and step into a freedom that’s been waiting all along.